With All My Love
by Kiya Sama
Summary: Hika/Aki: 'The tears sting my eyes but I will not let them fall as I turn away and begin to walk again. Happy birthday...with all my love...'


**With All My Love:**

I really do not know why I decided to do this – what devil made me come to this rather irrational decision – what wind blew towards my direction to make me think that I could possibly pull something like this off. 

I was about to make a complete and total fool of myself...and without even trying too hard to achieve it.

I know she is laughing at me. I can see it in her eyes as she helps me place the ingredients I need on the kitchen counter. As I tie the apron around my waist, I bite my lower lip and wonder if I shouldn't just bail out of the situation now. I can feel my mouth getting dry as my hands tremble in growing worry and concern.

I can't do this!  I think wildly. This is all a sham. A complete and total...

"That should be enough for you." She says with a warm smile as she walks up to me and places a hand upon my shoulder. She gives it a warm squeeze of reassurance and I don't feel like such a fool anymore. For some reason, this girl and her smile make me feel good about my decision again. "I am sure he is going to love it. Good luck and try not to burn down the kitchen, okay?"

So much for reassurance. 

Waving our goodbyes, she makes her way out of the room and leaves me to my own devices – and suddenly the kitchen that I had always thought too cramped and stuffy, suddenly seemed ten times its normal size. 

I take a deep breath to calm my thudding heart, trying desperately to remember what this was all for.

And then it comes to me in a rush. It was for _him_. For the one that I loved...and I was going to do the best job possible. After all, he deserved nothing less.

The instructions were easy enough to understand, but reading it and actually doing it are two totally different things. These hands that have spent years touching smooth spheres of glass, were now clumsy in their new setting. 

I crack and wince as the shells fall into the dough. I have to restart again; for there was no way I was going to have my love eat the shells of an egg. The dough is too lumpy. Sweet Kami, did I not put enough milk? And I could have sworn that the book had said one tablespoonful of sugar...why then does it taste as if I have poured in the entire bag? 

Six tries later, flour and sugar –unwanted dough and eggshells – milk cartons and empty pans that need to be washed surround me. And I am exhausted. They are in the oven now, baking nicely...I hope. 

She said that it wouldn't take more than thirty minutes before they would be ready and as I glance at the clock, I realize that I might not have enough time to get there to give it to him.

Seeing that I had no time to waste, I cleaned up myself as best as I could, giving a soft cry of relief as the timer went off. They were ready now.

I wrap them up neatly in a cloth napkin and tuck it away into my bag, before leaving the house to begin the long walk towards my destination. 

It is rather chilly now and I could tell that the snow was about to fall at any minute, but that did not deter me in the slightest. I was used to this kind of weather, after all. But as I approached the looming building, I could feel my heart rate quicken in growing anticipation. My feet seemed to get a little heavier, my mouth a little drier, my entire body...humming with unsuppressed eagerness. 

What would he say? What would he think? How would he react?

I stop by the familiar glass doors and peer in almost shyly. There is no one in the lobby, thank goodness, and so I make my way in and sit down on a chair at a corner, hands clutching the bag as tightly as they can. I lower my head and hope that no one talks to me as I hear voices approaching. I catch little snippets of their conversation and just as I had predicted, my love had won. 

A small sigh of relief escapes me. I would hate to think that I came all this way just to face his wrath when he gets upset. I soon become so engrossed in what I have planned to say to him that I barely hear the elevator doors open. It isn't until I hear my name from his lips do I lift my head with a start. 

He is staring at me as if he cannot believe that I am actually here.

And now, I cannot speak myself, for all the words I longed to say could no longer be expressed before his countenance. I am blushing furiously... this much I know. The hands upon my bag tremble, but I take a deep breath and refuse to give in to my weakness – this incredible shyness that comes over me at the worst of times.

I motion for him to follow me outside, for I do not wish to engage in conversation with any of the grownups. 

The snow has begun to fall. Its pearly, white drops falling all around us to a blanket of white on the ground. It is perfect somehow – just right for this moment. But then again...I wasn't really the romantic type. I reach into the bag and pull out the red-checkered napkin.

"Happy Birthday, Shindo." I mutter huskily, trying hard not to shiver at the look of surprise and the darkened look of an emotion that I still refuse to give him the pleasure of understanding.

"Touya..."

"And congratulations on winning as well. So...take it as a double celebration." 

He accepts it from me, with that effervescent smile coming onto his features – a smile that makes my heart pound and my knees feel weak. I am quite amazed at how composed I sound, but it's all a sham for I am a complete sappy mess inside.

He, suddenly, tries to lean closer to me to steal a kiss, but I turn my face away and shake my head lightly. I can sense the disappointment in him, but I only know that this is for the best. For you see...I am not as strong as you are Shindo. You are not afraid to show the way you feel about me in public. You do not fear the wrath that may or may not occur, but you see, my love..._I _am afraid. It's this inane need to satisfy and to please others around me. A need and a fear that I hope that someday...I can overcome.

"Will you at least walk with me today?" He asks and I can only nod in response, really too weak to deny him that simple pleasure. It is a silent walk – one that we have taken many times together. I watch him open up the napkin and I unwilling hold my breath as he takes a bite from one of the tiny confectionaries.

"Mmmm...delicious, Touya! Where did you buy this from?"

I lower my lashes and begin to walk a little faster, but not before mumbling that I had made it myself. I don't care if he has heard me or not, for I am too embarrassed to look at him any longer. But being the stubborn mule that he is, he stops me with a firm hand on my shoulder and forces me to look at him.

And staring into eyes of brightest green, he says the words that I can never say in return. "I love you, Touya. Thank you...for everything..."

The tears sting my eyes but I will not let them fall as I turn away and begin to walk again. 

Hai, Shindo, I know only to well how you feel about me.

For I love you too...and yet my cowardice will never let you know.

Happy Birthday, Shindo...with all my love.

~ OWARI ~


End file.
